LEFT BRAIN VS.RIGHT BRAIN.

Try This...........Check if you are normal.......WHILE SITTING AT YOUR DESK, LIFT YOUR RIGHT FOOT OFF THE FLOOR ANDMAKE CLOCKWISE CIRCLES (keep doing)NOW, WHILE DOING THIS, DRAW THE NUMBER "6" IN THE AIR WITH YOUR RIGHTHAND FINGER

YOUR FOOT WILL CHANGE DIRECTIONS (ANTICLOCKWISE)AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.THIS WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY


Concept is simple : LEFT BRAIN VS.RIGHT BRAIN.

Shero-shayari

LOG KEHTE HAI KI CIGRATE KYUN PITE HO, KYA YE PYASS BUJHATI HAI ?
MAINE KAHA "NAHI DIL ME EK BEWAFA KI TASVIR HAI ,
KAMBHAKT KAM SE KAM USKO TO JALATI HAI.....

Tu kaheen bhi rahe, sar par tere ilzaam to hai..
Tere haathon ki lakeeron mein meraa naam to hai…
Tu mujhe chaahe ya na chaahe teri khushi
Tu zamaane mein mere naam se badnaam to hain....

Mukaddarse lad saku ye meri aukaat nahi,
Mai woh shaks hu khuda jiske sath nahi,
Waqt aaega to keh dunga khudase ki,
Mera mukaddar likhana tere bas ki baat nahi.....

Ishq karnewale ko DIWANA keh diya,
shama par jalne wale ko PARWANA keh diya,
MOHABBAT ko dafnaya aur logo ne use TAJMAHAL keh diya..........

Best Joke

*This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian *
Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer andsits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. Whenhe finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in theglass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai ,the other in Canada , and I'm here in Ludhiana . When they left home, wepromised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we dranktogether."The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. BantaSingh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He ordersthree Beers and drinks them in turn.One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regularsnotice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round,the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted tooffer my condolences on your great loss."Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye andhelaughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".."Only thing is ---- I just quit drinking"!!!!!!

Nice one - paradigm formation

A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top.Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the others beat up the one on the ladder.

After some time, no monkey dare to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation.

Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The 1st thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up. After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though never knew why.

After sometime,2nd monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The 1st monkey participated on the beating for the 2nd monkey.

A 3rd monkey was changed and the same was repeated (beating).

The 4th was substituted and the beating was repeated and finally the 5th monkey was replaced.

What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though never received a cold shower, continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder.....I bet you the answer would be.... I don't know - that's how things are done around here" Does it sounds familiar?

why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there. "Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I am not so sure about the former." -Albert Einstein

Divorce case

The first divorce case directly related to the September 11th terrorist attack

It appears a guy with an office on 103rd floor of the world trade centre spent the morning at his girl friend's apartment with his phone turned off. he was not watching TV either. When he turned his phone back at 11am, it rang immediately. It was his wife, "Are you OK? where are you?".
He said, "What do you mean? I'm in my office of course!"

Jokes

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15thAugust.
Student:A holiday
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day sametime."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Best Photograph

Family Problems

Two men, one American and an Indian were in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, talking about love marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.

GOD also uses Control X - Control V

Wedding Query

(SQL Server Stored Procedure Style)
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus= 'B.TECH or BE or Degree or MCA or MBA' AND HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES'
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Don't ask grandma silly questions.......too good

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,an elderly grandmother to the stand.He approached her and asked;
"Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known yousince you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bitpaper pusher.Yes, I know you.

"The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.

"The defense attorney almost died.The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Working Woman

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but should marry her with these facts as well. Here is a girl-who is as much educated as you are; who is earning almost as much as you do;One who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements .One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchenOne, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwiseOne, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.But not many guys understand this......
Please appreciate "HER" I hope you will do....

Sleeping Time and direction

Jai Hind

This is really a hilarious one ....


During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet satellites

would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds
Soviet
counter-missiles would be on their way.
This was their scenario.................




But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan.




The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government,
and
promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and
decides
to
launch a missile in retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India.



They submit their request to the Indian President. The President
forwards it to the Cabinet.


The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets,
but


due


to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition,

it gets



adjourned



and



adjourned



indefinitely.


The President asks for a quick decision.


In the mean time,

the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their
attempts
for
a relaunch are still on.


Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a
party

that

was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote,

a

caretaker government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile.



But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not
take


such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation
is filed
in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election
Commission.




The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM,


and says


the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the
emergency
facing the

nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367

miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.



Fortunately



there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that
early.


In


any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in
flight.





The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China
and


USA.





The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear


missile



of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.




This time all the parties agree.




Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as
preparations
begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the

Government's decision.



Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.


In

California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning
the

government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as

possible".




On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles

deviate

from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over

Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.




A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.


Since the Pakistan army
is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination:

Russia.



Russia successfully intercepts the missile




and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.



The missile hits the target and creates havoc.




Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has
happened


and


sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.




Thus India never gets to launch the missile.



Pakistan never gets it right.


And




J J J we live happily ever after J J J

Jai * Hind

Dil se.....Too good !!