Fabulous comments

Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin with the Following comments on US economy

''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.'

Think On It...!!!

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that muchmisery is enough!

''Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.'

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!

'Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.

'She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE. AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM.

Judge's Dilemma

In a small town, a person decided to open up a liquor shop, which was right opposite to a church.

The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the liquor shop from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the liquor shop and it was burnt to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the liquor owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his liquor shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

'I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a liquor shop owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church that doesn't.'

God address

A poor man had lost his job. His family was starving. He prayed to God, but no money came in. He thought God is far away and could not hear him. So he decided to go near God. He went to a Hindu temple and spread his cloth and prayed outside the temple. A few persons threw a few 25 paise coins - not enough for even a cup of tea. He tried a mosque, an agiari, and a church with similar results. All passers-by walked away smugly after throwing a few small coins. On his way back home, he stopped outside a bar. A few men in good spirits came out and one of them gave a Rs.1000 to him. The poor man looks up and says ...

'GOD YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR - KAHAN REHTE HO AUR KAHAN KA ADDRESS DETE HO'!!!!

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

"The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "

Life pics

Height of Optimism

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",
Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction" !.
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What is the height of mixed emotions???
when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur mercedes!!!!
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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
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bhikari : sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab : tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
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Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
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Today a phone without wire is fashion.
One day will come when human without brain will be a fashion.

On that day, my friend, u will Rock..
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Morning Thought...Direct 4m DIL SE...

Sometimes when u CRY, Nobody sees ur TEARS.
When u'r WORRIED, Nobody sees ur PAIN.
When u'r HAPPY, Nobody sees ur SMILE.
But saaaaala, Ek ladki ke saath ghumo, Toh saari duniya dekhti hain!!!

Mast Jokes

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ?
Whole body born in Punjab.

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaare gaadi petrol se start hoti hai

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken. Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

LITTLE BOBBY ...

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

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Letter 1
Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for mybirthday.I want a red one.Your friend,Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,So he tore up the letter and started over.

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Letter 2
Dear God,This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would likeA red bike for my birthday. Thank you.Your friend,Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

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Letter 3
Dear God,I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
***************************************************
Letter 4
God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.Please! Thank you,Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.He looked around to see if anyone was there.Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

***************************************************
Letter 5
God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

Ultimate Lunch Joke

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."
The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.
.. . .. . . ..
The sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
He makes his own lunch."

Int'l Joke

There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his watch.

But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face appears.

He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?"

Mary answers instantly and with a smile! The questioner is thoroughly impressed!!!

He asks, "What kind of a watch is that?"

"It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication," the gentleman
explains. He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel's
brand new 128-bit chip with processor speed of 10 GHz.

The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he could buy
this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a heavy price and the cash
was handed immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it
over and then walks away.

The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, "Sir, you
forgot your suitcases."

The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours now. They
are the modems you always need to carry for your new watch.

Secrets behind happy married life!!!

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respectto each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions.

"Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amountto save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner,refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkarshould retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects toany of these".

Nice exam

Presence of Mind!!!

John's boss was very much impressed with him and said to John, "you have seriously impressed me my friend! ... I loved the way - you work.
Which place are you from?

John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.

John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.

John replied, "Which team did she play for?"

Sing-King

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from
Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .... I am ringing to inform you that
we are officially declaring the war on you!'

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is
your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself,
my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi
team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'

Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million
since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass
boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you,
Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Tera pala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's,
and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED INDIAN CONFIDENCE