Sachin and Sourav

Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, now pretty old guys, 75 and 76 years old, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket, like they do everyday.

 

Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"

 

Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

 

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Sachin passes on.

 

One day soon afterward, Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav... Sourav!"

 

Ganguly responds, "Sachin! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sourav," whispers Sachin's ghost.

 

Ganguly, still amazed, asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?" "Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news."

 

"Gimme the good news first," says Ganguly.

 

Sachin says, "Well... there is cricket in heaven."

 

Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

 

Sachin sighs and whispers,

 

"You are going to open the innings this Friday."

Hindi Love Letter

Prem Patra

My Dear ‘Anamica': 

You must be surprised to receive this ‘Prem Patra' from me. Let me make my ‘Pahechan' to you as ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. Though I am an ‘Awaara', I am also your ‘Deewana'. 

I am making you a ‘Prarthna' to enter ‘Zindagi' as a ‘Priyatama'. Even though I do not have any ‘Sambandh' with you, I still consider you as my ‘Dream Girl' with ‘Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka'. There are only ‘Do Raaste' left for me. One is to get your love by ‘Tyag' or to go the ‘Rangeela' way. 

Wouldn't you like to be ‘Mere Jeevan Saathi' as you are ‘Lakhon Mein Ek'? I also hope that you will ‘Guide' me in ‘Bahar' as we are made for ‘Ek Duje Ke Liye'. 

We will live in ‘Naya Zamana' where we will have a ‘Suhana Safar'. In this ‘Himalay Ki God Mein', our ‘Bandhan' is going to tied with ‘Preet Ki Dor'. I hope that we will have nothing but ‘Anand' in ‘Ye Dillagi.' 

Aren't you bored of ‘Akele Hum Akele Tum' life? Let this ‘Baazigar' be your ‘Boy Friend' and we start ‘Pehli Mohabbat'. This ‘Chahat' is going to lead to a ‘Milan' where you are going to call me everyday for ‘Aao Pyar Karen.' 

Now, ‘Phir Kab Miloge' as ‘Tumse Accha Kaun Hein'? As you know my love is ‘Himalay Se Uncha' and hopefully our ‘Mulakat' will be ‘An Evening in Paris.' ‘Aa Gale Lag Jaa'! 

‘Hum Aapke Hain Koun...'? 

Prem Pujaari

New Style Love Letter

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) , after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much ,I dare to say that You are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me. 

I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones). 

If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye). For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll become WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers) 

Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other) . Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy).So never forget me. Ok bye! 

I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more). 

LG (Digitally Yours) !!!!! 

Bubble in the bathtub

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.;
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro…
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."

This continues…
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you…"
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
?????: ???? ???? ??? ???????.
??????: ?????? ????????.
?????: ????
??????:???? ????? ???? ??????..
?????:????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
??????: ???? ??????? ????? ??? ???? ?????? ?????????…………

?????:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Male and Female Parrots

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

Fabulous comments

Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin with the Following comments on US economy

''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.'

Think On It...!!!

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that muchmisery is enough!

''Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.'

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!

'Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.

'She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE. AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM.

Judge's Dilemma

In a small town, a person decided to open up a liquor shop, which was right opposite to a church.

The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the liquor shop from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the liquor shop and it was burnt to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the liquor owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his liquor shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

'I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a liquor shop owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church that doesn't.'

God address

A poor man had lost his job. His family was starving. He prayed to God, but no money came in. He thought God is far away and could not hear him. So he decided to go near God. He went to a Hindu temple and spread his cloth and prayed outside the temple. A few persons threw a few 25 paise coins - not enough for even a cup of tea. He tried a mosque, an agiari, and a church with similar results. All passers-by walked away smugly after throwing a few small coins. On his way back home, he stopped outside a bar. A few men in good spirits came out and one of them gave a Rs.1000 to him. The poor man looks up and says ...

'GOD YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR - KAHAN REHTE HO AUR KAHAN KA ADDRESS DETE HO'!!!!

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

"The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "

Life pics

Height of Optimism

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",
Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction" !.
===========================================================
What is the height of mixed emotions???
when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur mercedes!!!!
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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
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bhikari : sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab : tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
===========================================================
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
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Today a phone without wire is fashion.
One day will come when human without brain will be a fashion.

On that day, my friend, u will Rock..
===========================================================

Morning Thought...Direct 4m DIL SE...

Sometimes when u CRY, Nobody sees ur TEARS.
When u'r WORRIED, Nobody sees ur PAIN.
When u'r HAPPY, Nobody sees ur SMILE.
But saaaaala, Ek ladki ke saath ghumo, Toh saari duniya dekhti hain!!!

Mast Jokes

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ?
Whole body born in Punjab.

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaare gaadi petrol se start hoti hai

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken. Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´`'´
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

LITTLE BOBBY ...

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

***************************************************
Letter 1
Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for mybirthday.I want a red one.Your friend,Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,So he tore up the letter and started over.

***************************************************
Letter 2
Dear God,This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would likeA red bike for my birthday. Thank you.Your friend,Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

***************************************************
Letter 3
Dear God,I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
***************************************************
Letter 4
God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.Please! Thank you,Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.He looked around to see if anyone was there.Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

***************************************************
Letter 5
God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

Ultimate Lunch Joke

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."
The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.
.. . .. . . ..
The sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
He makes his own lunch."

Int'l Joke

There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his watch.

But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face appears.

He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?"

Mary answers instantly and with a smile! The questioner is thoroughly impressed!!!

He asks, "What kind of a watch is that?"

"It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication," the gentleman
explains. He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel's
brand new 128-bit chip with processor speed of 10 GHz.

The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he could buy
this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a heavy price and the cash
was handed immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it
over and then walks away.

The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, "Sir, you
forgot your suitcases."

The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours now. They
are the modems you always need to carry for your new watch.

Secrets behind happy married life!!!

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respectto each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions.

"Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amountto save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner,refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkarshould retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects toany of these".

Nice exam

Presence of Mind!!!

John's boss was very much impressed with him and said to John, "you have seriously impressed me my friend! ... I loved the way - you work.
Which place are you from?

John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.

John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.

John replied, "Which team did she play for?"

Sing-King

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from
Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .... I am ringing to inform you that
we are officially declaring the war on you!'

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is
your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself,
my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi
team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'

Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million
since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass
boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you,
Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Tera pala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's,
and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED INDIAN CONFIDENCE

LEFT BRAIN VS.RIGHT BRAIN.

Try This...........Check if you are normal.......WHILE SITTING AT YOUR DESK, LIFT YOUR RIGHT FOOT OFF THE FLOOR ANDMAKE CLOCKWISE CIRCLES (keep doing)NOW, WHILE DOING THIS, DRAW THE NUMBER "6" IN THE AIR WITH YOUR RIGHTHAND FINGER

YOUR FOOT WILL CHANGE DIRECTIONS (ANTICLOCKWISE)AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.THIS WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY


Concept is simple : LEFT BRAIN VS.RIGHT BRAIN.

Shero-shayari

LOG KEHTE HAI KI CIGRATE KYUN PITE HO, KYA YE PYASS BUJHATI HAI ?
MAINE KAHA "NAHI DIL ME EK BEWAFA KI TASVIR HAI ,
KAMBHAKT KAM SE KAM USKO TO JALATI HAI.....

Tu kaheen bhi rahe, sar par tere ilzaam to hai..
Tere haathon ki lakeeron mein meraa naam to hai…
Tu mujhe chaahe ya na chaahe teri khushi
Tu zamaane mein mere naam se badnaam to hain....

Mukaddarse lad saku ye meri aukaat nahi,
Mai woh shaks hu khuda jiske sath nahi,
Waqt aaega to keh dunga khudase ki,
Mera mukaddar likhana tere bas ki baat nahi.....

Ishq karnewale ko DIWANA keh diya,
shama par jalne wale ko PARWANA keh diya,
MOHABBAT ko dafnaya aur logo ne use TAJMAHAL keh diya..........

Best Joke

*This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian *
Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer andsits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. Whenhe finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in theglass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai ,the other in Canada , and I'm here in Ludhiana . When they left home, wepromised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we dranktogether."The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. BantaSingh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He ordersthree Beers and drinks them in turn.One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regularsnotice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round,the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted tooffer my condolences on your great loss."Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye andhelaughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".."Only thing is ---- I just quit drinking"!!!!!!

Nice one - paradigm formation

A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top.Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the others beat up the one on the ladder.

After some time, no monkey dare to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation.

Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The 1st thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up. After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though never knew why.

After sometime,2nd monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The 1st monkey participated on the beating for the 2nd monkey.

A 3rd monkey was changed and the same was repeated (beating).

The 4th was substituted and the beating was repeated and finally the 5th monkey was replaced.

What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though never received a cold shower, continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder.....I bet you the answer would be.... I don't know - that's how things are done around here" Does it sounds familiar?

why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there. "Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I am not so sure about the former." -Albert Einstein

Divorce case

The first divorce case directly related to the September 11th terrorist attack

It appears a guy with an office on 103rd floor of the world trade centre spent the morning at his girl friend's apartment with his phone turned off. he was not watching TV either. When he turned his phone back at 11am, it rang immediately. It was his wife, "Are you OK? where are you?".
He said, "What do you mean? I'm in my office of course!"

Jokes

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15thAugust.
Student:A holiday
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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day sametime."
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Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Best Photograph

Family Problems

Two men, one American and an Indian were in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, talking about love marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.

GOD also uses Control X - Control V

Wedding Query

(SQL Server Stored Procedure Style)
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus= 'B.TECH or BE or Degree or MCA or MBA' AND HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES'
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Don't ask grandma silly questions.......too good

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,an elderly grandmother to the stand.He approached her and asked;
"Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known yousince you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bitpaper pusher.Yes, I know you.

"The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.

"The defense attorney almost died.The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Working Woman

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but should marry her with these facts as well. Here is a girl-who is as much educated as you are; who is earning almost as much as you do;One who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements .One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchenOne, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwiseOne, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.But not many guys understand this......
Please appreciate "HER" I hope you will do....

Sleeping Time and direction

Jai Hind

This is really a hilarious one ....


During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet satellites

would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds
Soviet
counter-missiles would be on their way.
This was their scenario.................




But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan.




The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government,
and
promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and
decides
to
launch a missile in retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India.



They submit their request to the Indian President. The President
forwards it to the Cabinet.


The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets,
but


due


to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition,

it gets



adjourned



and



adjourned



indefinitely.


The President asks for a quick decision.


In the mean time,

the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their
attempts
for
a relaunch are still on.


Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a
party

that

was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote,

a

caretaker government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile.



But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not
take


such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation
is filed
in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election
Commission.




The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM,


and says


the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the
emergency
facing the

nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367

miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.



Fortunately



there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that
early.


In


any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in
flight.





The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China
and


USA.





The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear


missile



of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.




This time all the parties agree.




Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as
preparations
begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the

Government's decision.



Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.


In

California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning
the

government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as

possible".




On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles

deviate

from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over

Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.




A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.


Since the Pakistan army
is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination:

Russia.



Russia successfully intercepts the missile




and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.



The missile hits the target and creates havoc.




Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has
happened


and


sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.




Thus India never gets to launch the missile.



Pakistan never gets it right.


And




J J J we live happily ever after J J J

Jai * Hind

Dil se.....Too good !!